I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
