Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
