The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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