Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
