Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
