Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
