At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
