we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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