Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
