Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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