I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
