Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
