Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
