That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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