i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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