this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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