i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
