My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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