if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
