my room smells like sperm. sweet.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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