The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
