Where are you?
In a non slutty way
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
