Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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