he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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