everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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