i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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