so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
