someone threw a dead crab at me
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
