Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
