You can't special order awesome
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
