turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
