i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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