If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
