STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
