Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
