it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
