Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
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