Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
