happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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