I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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