If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Someone came in the potted fern
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Success! We fucked roommates!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
