Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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