I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
