my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
