i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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