you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Vodka?
Forever.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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