6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
