none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
