I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
