your room smells of hookers.
And success
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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