dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
