I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
